How Hip Hop Saved the World

The Sword.  Metallica.  Rammstein.  I started listening to these groups in my late 20s.  And it is a good thing, for everyone, that I didn’t start listening to this music any earlier.  I grew up in the “Hood”.  Hip Hop and Rap was the order of the day.  If you are not familiar with Hood living, it can be summed up in one word, Conformity.  Us Black and Semi Black folks, living amongst other Black Folks, are not usually allowed to be individuals.  You will literally get beat up for trying to be yourself or anything other than the “Hood Approved” ideal.  So for survival, I sought to have my card stamped “Hood Approved”.  I succeeded.  I embraced the culture; I put down the books, picked up the Gangsta Rap, and threw away my belt.  Belts are ok, but they must be worn around the shoulders in case it is needed for a fight.  With no belt, I started rockin an epic sag.  I let my hair grow and put on the air of a general douche bag.  My heart was never in it.  I liked the music, but sometimes it made me cringe.  The content, in many cases, was abominable.  But I maintained.  I kept up the act for years.  I played out my prescribed role but it wasn’t me.  So I became crazy.  
  
You can only suppress your true nature for so long.  As I got older and more self destructive, I became desperate for the real me.  I apologized to myself and asked me to return.  “I am sorry Bro, I love you man.  Come back, I am ready to be me!”  That process of becoming myself continues to this day.  I was lucky.  The real me wasn’t dead, he was hanging out in my subconscious eating taffy apples and making love to female versions of himself.  When I found him, he was reluctant to return.  He was resting, leaning against a gas lamp pole in an old village.  The sky was dark, nary a star to be seen.  He wore a bowler hat.  He was studying the spaces between the cobble stones in the road when I asked him to come back.  He didn’t look up.  I said please.  His eyes met mine.  His face was serious.  Suddenly, he was grinning, wildly!  He removed his hat, revealing a rapidly receding hairline.  The last time I saw him he was nothing but hair, but now his age was showing.  He bowed to me, respectfully, and before he ducked into the narrow alley he said, see you soon, Brother.  With that he was gone, simultaneously he was back.  I saw him leave through his eyes.   

It took years to subdue me and it is taking years to bring me back, fully.  So what does Hip Hop and Rap have to do with all of this?  Well the real me is not a big fan of Hip Hop or Rap.  He likes Metal, and Jazz, and Classical, and pretty much everything except Rap, oh, and Country.  He does not seem to like Country.  But Metal, man, he loves it!  Metal goes into my ears and radiates out of my spine like a million black polished finger nails.  Metal energizes like espresso administered intravenously!  It gets me going.  When I listen to The Sword, I start marching.  I feel like a conqueror.  Global conquest becomes a feasible goal when Rammstein is playing.  Hip Hop saved the world.  It saved the world from me.  My fake hood identity saved the world from this little Mulatto.  Had I been listening to Metallica instead of NWA, I would probably be the President of Earth.  I am not trying to call rap weak, definitely not that.  I know how hard rappers work at coming off tough so I would not want to insult them by calling them weak.  I mean no disrespect.  But this is the difference, between hood tough, and real tough.  Rap music is superficial.  It is gregarious, it is vain.  Rappers are sugar and spice who don’t want to seem nice.  Metal is different.  It is hard.  Once you break through the designer clothed exterior of a rapper, you find confused, soft, flesh.  Anyone who advocates taking advantage of the weak, or hurting women, or selling poison to other human beings, he is seriously confused.  I don’t respect rappers who do this.  I want to smack myself for listening to that garbage for so many years!   

Metal is solid.  It is a tank.  It is coming through, and you are not going to stop it.  Metal does not look for targets to strike, it looks towards its goal.  If something gets between it, and the goal, that something becomes a target, and it will be destroyed.  I listened to rap for 20 years, I have been listening to metal for 5.  If those times were reversed, there is no doubt in my mind that I would have built an Army and conquered a continent by now.  Now I am over 30.  I have a family, and I have many obligations.  I may have missed the warrior boat.  Instead of investing in a personal military, I am investing in my retirement.  So maybe it is a good thing that I was phony for so long.  Good for the existing world powers.   

I see abundance.  There is more than enough for everyone on this planet and I have a mind to liberate these oppressed peoples from their overlords.  But for now it looks like the tyrants have lucked out.  You were saved by Gangsta Rap.  So evil men of the world, pick up your iPods, select a rap track, and thank your lucky stars that The Worst Man Ever Born didn’t listen to Metal when he was growing up.

Beware, Beware, the Ides of March

1979...   23:57 – 02:05

There abouts midnight.  Lightning streaked through the sky something fierce.  The odd thing was I don't recall any thunder.  Just flash after flash of eerie blue light.  I was working at St. Francis Hospital in those days and on this particular night I was scheduled to arrive there at 2 am.  On the way out, I noticed the calendar.  It was March 15th.  The Ides of March.  Out the door, into the dark.  The strange lights still flashed, illuminating the scenery, but there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.  What on earth is going on?  I looked for bolts of lighting, or even a UFO, I could not find a source for the light.  Other than the creepy celestial camera flashes, the night was calm. 

Work was only a few blocks away so I normally walk.  This day was no exception.  I didn't see a single person out, on the way.  This was not entirely unexpected on account of the time, but there wasn't even a passing car.  Hell, Al, the local drunk, wasn't even sleeping it off on the affectionately known "Al's Bench".  Even with the complete absence of human life, I still had the strange feeling that I wasn't alone.  It was like being stalked by invisible paparazzi whose presence was betrayed by the flash from their enormous cameras.  Speaking of flashing, the inexplicable lightning seemed to intensify.  It was about here, halfway to work, that I saw the shadows move.  

I heard a groan.  Guttural, deep, earth vibrating.  I felt the noise in my feet!  I looked towards what I thought was the origin.  Nothing, just a small mound of dirt like an above ground grave.  It was when I looked back that I came face to face with black.  The night closed in, completely encasing my head.  I could feel the darkness filling my ears, pressing the flesh of my eyes.  My mouth filled with dank, tasteless darkness.  I gasped for air, desperately trying to free myself from this sackcloth entity.  And just like that it fell towards my feet, giggling as it made its way down.  “Hello Marduke”.  It said, hanging on the ke sound at the end of Marduke.  Still giggling, it melted into the ground.  After that the flashing stopped.  What on EARTH?  I was befuddled.  I did a lot of psychedelics in the 60’s, perhaps this was a flashback.  Before I had a chance to reflect further, the flashing resumed. 

I was almost to the hospital when I saw the origin of the flashing.  The light seemed to be emanating from a lone storm cloud directly above the hospital.  The cloud morphed unnervingly forming tongue like appendages that licked the hospital leaving black saliva slicks on the masonry.  It began to rain.  Black drops fell from the cloud covering everything in a crude oil like substance.  The covering only lasted moments before disappearing.  My white nursing clothing, blackened in one moment, returned to its bleachy white brilliance the next.  As acid flashbacks go, this one was intense.  I thought about going home and sleeping it off but before I could turn around Dr. Min Jing burst through the emergency room doors.  “We need some help in here!”  He must’ve seen me through the window.  

At this point I am really scared.  I am hallucinating and now I have been spotted by Doc. Min Jing is going to put me to work, I hope I don’t kill anyone.  Ok, ok, pull it together.  I thought to myself before Min Jing made it over to me.  “We have a major issue inside.”  He said with eyes drenched in fear.  What is wrong, I asked.  “The Apocalypse.”  He responded.  What?  “Have you not seen the cloud?”  Surprised I asked, what cloud?  “That one!”  He yelled pointing up just as one of those tongues came down and slicked his face with the disappearing black goo.  He went to wipe it off but it was gone before his handkerchief made it.  “Get in here!”  I followed, terrified.  I was hoping this was a flashback.  I was wrong.  

Screams

02:10 – 04:14

I entered the emergency waiting room.  Bang!  Bang!  The ground shook.  Repeated strikes against the floor under my feet reverberated around the room.  What is that Doctor?  The noise, where is it coming from?  “The basement”, said Jin Ming.  The basement?  Isn’t that… “Where the morgue is?  Yes.”  The doctor interjected.  “Now come, quickly.”  I followed the doctor through the double doors leading to the OR.  The lights dimmed as if an electric chair were activated somewhere in the building.  “AHHHHHH”, a blood curdling scream came from the room into which Dr. Jin Ming seemed to be leading me.  Before we made it through the door a nurse fell out backwards, landing on her rump.  She remained sitting up, staring intently into the room as she used her hands and feet to push herself backwards with terrifying speed.  I heard the same scream again; it was coming from the nurse!  Her mouth was agape.  “AHHHHHHHHHHH!”  Her voice deep and shrill simultaneously.  The noise was unbearable!  It was like her throat was a tunnel to hell that suddenly opened allowing the cries of the tormented to escape.  What had she seen in that room?  I was about to find out.  

Silence.  The lights undulated between dim and dimmer.  There I saw it.  The Blackness.  The intense quiet was shattered by the same giggle I heard earlier only this time it was accompanied by my name.  “Arrrrreeeethaaaaa” the creature spoke through a white fanged grin.  “Arrrrreeeethaaaaa, he he ha ha ha he ha he he.  So nice of you to join us Arrrrreeeethaaaaa.”  Its voice was like the sound of finger nails forced to drag across concrete.  My ears felt wet, like they might be bleeding.  I ran some fingers across my ears.  The lights in the room brightened a bit, I looked at my hands to see if there was blood.  No blood, black oil.  I went to wipe it on my clothes but it left no stain, it simply vanished.  What are you?  I asked.  “A guardian.”  Responded the 8 foot tall nothing.  “Come in my dear Aretha.  There is someone I would like you to meet.”  I walked towards the creature.  “GET OUT!”  Bellowed the entity in the direction of Dr. Min Jing.  It didn’t have to say it twice.  The doctor bolted and the doors slammed behind him.  I approached cautiously.  

The entity was like a miniature version of the cloud over the hospital.  Maybe 8 feet tall.  The shape was constantly changing but at its biggest, maybe it was 10 feet around.  One thing remained constant.  That sickening grin.  Even when it spoke, the grin remained unchanged.  As I made my way from the front to the side of the creature, the grin made the journey with me, so whenever I looked at the being, I was faced with that grin.  “Meet my friend.”  It said, tongue like appendages pointing towards a hospital bed.  A BABY!  What are you doing with this child? I demanded.  The baby was newly born as was evidenced by the freshly clamped umbilical cord.  Where are his parents?  Answer me!  The thing seemed almost as surprised as me at such assertiveness.  “The child is mine, the parents merely vessels.  They performed their function and have been granted immunity from our wrath.  As for you Aretha, we must come to an agreement.  You are made of something pure, this disgusts us.  When you were making your way here you were examined.  The Shadows of Suffering clung to you and probed your being for a source of exploitable corruption, none were found.  This means we can’t eat you, you are protected.  Unfortunately even WE have to follow some of the rules.  Everyone else in this hospital is owned, by us.  You know Beth right?  Married to that kind man Warren?  Well Warren is like you, pure, protected, and inedible.  But Beth, oh yes, she is one of ours.  So we whisper, in her ear.  ‘Warren doesn’t appreciate you.  He would cheat if given the opportunity.’  It didn’t take much.  Even as we speak Beth is sleeping with that Black laundry man in bed 2 of the 6^th floor burn unit.  And he has syphilis!  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!  She will continue in this way until she meets another illness we have helped introduce to the world.  That new illness will make the Black Death, also our handy work, look like a mild cold virus.  In a couple years, Warren will find out he is ill.  His wife will already be near death.  He will take care of her until the end.  This is especially entertaining.  Watching the deceived care for the deceiver is outlandish fun.  We will laugh as he wipes the pus from her wounds.  When she dies, she will be eaten.  Her spiritual injuries enhancing her flavor like the seared crust on a rare steak.  When he dies he will go someplace where we can’t get him, but that is ok.  We eat the ones we can, and we work to destroy the lives of the ones we can’t.  If we can’t take their eternal lives, we can at least destroy their temporal lives.  You know?  So what does all this have to do with you?  Well, we need you.  We need you to step aside.” 

“You were going to work the nursery where this child will be kept.  If you even touch this child, all of our work would be for naught.  Your level of purity, while filthy to us, is cleansing for these beings.  Your touch would instantly remove our animating force from this baby.  So this is the agreement.  If you touch the child, we will kill him, instantly.  That is it.  We had to tell you.  If we didn’t reveal this to you, we couldn’t kill the kid, you know, more rules.  We know you will make the right choice because you are in a catch.  Touch the kid, kill the kid.  Don’t touch the kid; any number of things may happen.  But you are pure so we know you will not touch the child if it will kill him.  We only need you to say it.  Aretha.  If touching this child will kill him, will you touch him?”  No.  I responded.  With that, the grin somehow intensified. 

“Aretha.  Do you know where you are?”  Yes, I am in the hospital.  “WRONG.  You are in the shadow of the hospital.  Things exist in multiple dimensions.  Your Dr. Jin Ming, who, incidentally, loves heroin, was just here right?”  Yes, I answered.  “WRONG.  That was one of his shadows.  Make no mistake, he is real, he exists here, and he exists in your world.  He will shoot his drugs here and sleep with Beth like every other man in this wonderful place.  He thinks he is real, and so he is, and when he dies, we will eat every version of him.  Of the infinite number of Dr. Jin Mings, none will escape because none are disgustingly pure, like you.  Goodbye, Aretha.”  I woke up.  A dream!  What a relief. 

The black and white TV flickered in the corner.  “Hey Aretha”, said Beth enthusiastically.  “Sleeping on the job?”  I had the strangest dream.  “Tell me about it.”  Beth, you were in it.  “Oh?”  Well not you, just your name.  Someone told me you had a thing for Rodney.  “The laundry guy?  That is ridiculous.  Besides, you know I am married.  I only have a thing for Warren, my sweetie.”  Just then, Bill, the helper brought in from the special persons program, entered.  “Beth.  I I I I, f f found your ID.  It w w w was on the floor in the b b burn unit.”  “Thanks, Bill.  You are so sweet”, said Beth before turning back to me and saying, “you gotta watch those dreams babe.  They may make you start thinking things.”  And off she went. Maybe Beth worked in that area, nothing strange about her ID being in the burn unit.  I’ve lost my identification many times; it happens with these flimsy clips they give us.  I left the break room. 

I made my way to an empty room on the 5^th floor.  Empty rooms were seen as sanctuaries by members of my profession.  We would go there to think, to sleep, or to do what The Blackness said Beth does.  I laughed about the absurdity of it all.  I found a room.  Walking in, I heard a shower going.  Someone must’ve left the water running.  I went into the bathroom to turn it off.  “Aretha!”  Dr. Jin Ming!  I am so sorry; I didn’t think anyone was in here.  “Well I am in here!”  He screamed while reaching to cover his himself.  Before I turned, my attention was grabbed by the unmistakable spots peppering the doctor’s arms.  Track marks!